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Writing Through the Darkness

2017 was a year of few words for me. I wrote, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t write nearly as much as normal. Worse, as the year went on my words careened to an abrupt halt.

Now I stare at the page, be it blank and yearning for words or finished and needing polishing, and question everything about myself as a writer. Can I still write? Do I know how? Is my head cleared enough to tackle the bigger picture issues? Will my words be the same or different?

Most of this boils down to fear. I have seen many other writers wonder how to write again so I know I am not alone. But I’m also coming back from a very difficult year. Non productivity has become habit. I’m now on medication, still dealing with mental health issues. Which makes me wonder even harder: can I do this?

Have I recovered enough? My muse is chomping at the bit, ready to get out. Writing has always been a primary food for me. It’s part of who I am, my soul, my essence. I know I never want to stop, never want to quit. And yet that nagging curse of doubt persists.

Do I even know what I’m doing anymore?

I’m taking the New Year as an opportunity to push myself back into my words. It won’t be easy, I’m sure I’ll have set backs. But I am a writer. I have stories to tell. Characters to share. I have my own unique spin on my genre, on portraying characters with hearing loss. On putting little pieces of myself on the page.

I will not be defeated by myself. But I will listen to myself. If I need to rest, I shall rest. If I need to push, I will push. One way or another, 2018 will be a year of getting back to myself. Of recovery through words.

I can. And I will.


5 thoughts on “Writing Through the Darkness

  1. Dear Laura,
    Just know your words of critic for my 2017 pitch-war submission were invaluable. I revised and now forge ahead. You took the time to respond and that shed a much needed light on my dark time. Thank you for encouraging me. I know you will forge ahead too!

  2. Hang in there! You have such strong writing and storytelling skills. Thank you for sharing stories that have some characters who have hearing loss as part of their life journey. During 2017 I was going through a personal journey to put away my lifelong shame connected with my hearing loss. I read your first book 3 times, and enjoyed reading Friend With Benefits, of course. When you wrote about the young lady struggling in her college class, that was me. I started learning about how to ask for assistance along with her through the course of reading your book. Your description of how she connected with that gorgeous and sweet natures deaf student teacher helped open my eyes to seek out friends with hearing loss. After I read your book I realized I should start looking on FB and find some support. I started practicing some of the skills that you were teaching your main character. I found a 6 week online class focused on teaching hard of hearing people how to define hearing challenges and communicate with confidence. I wish the best for you and want you to know how much I appreciate your writing. You obviously have a lot of talent and certainly should write the stories that inspire you—I do hope you’ll continue to occasionally or often include some Deaf & HOH characters who are out there just living their lives, full of hopes, dreams, and challenges, as we all are.

    • You have brought tears to my eyes! I am so happy you found Carli’s story and it helped you. That part of Carli was very much me and my personal journey from not liking my ears to them being such a positive part of who I am and it makes me so happy I’ve been able to help someone be more comfortable in their own skin. I definitely have ideas for more characters with hearing loss, both in and out of the Deaf Community, and hope to have more out soon! Your words have been a much needed encouragement and you have made my day, thank you for reaching out!

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