Here’s a little something this exhausted Mommy wrote in 2012, taking on the voice of my then two-year-old son who was not very verbal:
Today was a pretty interesting day. It started off with Mommy trying to give me my sippy from yesterday. Grandma and Grandpa had put water in that yesterday, no way was I touching it; I wanted my milk! Mommy eventually wised up and got me a new cup to put my milk into.
Then a nice lady came to play with me. She was nice but signed “vagina” in the middle of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, I guess I’m supposed to look up to women? But she made up for it by having the coolest pig and cow toy! I was obsessed with trying to get the cow’s tail into the pig’s tail loop. I knew it could be done but they didn’t let me figure it out. The lady took my new farm animals with her when she left. I was not happy, those were MY toys!
I then remembered that Daddy had a lot of figurines likes these, so I went looking for my own pig and cow but couldn’t find any. Mommy took pity on me and took me out to buy my very own; I was so excited! We went to my favorite place, Target, there is a picture of an apple on the front of the store! It’s so cool! Mommy couldn’t find a pig or a cow but she did find a lion that roared. That was okay but not perfect.
Then I saw HIM. THOMAS! I need more Thomas toys! After hemming and hawing over which one would be the perfect addition to my growing collection I decided on James. Talking Trackmaster James. Because he’s cool and red. Happily Mommy wheeled me to the check out where I put James up on the belt. Once in the car I demanded he be opened. James and I had some fun but after my nap I was thinking more clearly and realized that James wasn’t what I wanted, Henry was. He’s green, he’s the bomb.
I picked up my shoes and took them to Mommy to put them on. Then I handed her her shoes, and her phone, and her purse and her keys (why does she need so many things?). I put James back into his box, said “bye bye” and was ready to go get Henry.
So Mommy and I went back to Target (the apples, they kill me!). She brought me into the Thomas aisle and I was going to get Henry, I swear, but there was Chuggington with Koko and Action Chugger! And there were more Thomas trains, and Toby, and Percy… And Thomas that comes with train tracks. And Oh My God there were green train tracks! I had to have them. I kept putting the other items in the cart but they kept disappearing on me, weird.
So we go to the check out and I put my train tracks up, ready to buy them. Mommy starts talking to the lady and takes out a bag. The next thing I know James is being given to the lady! That wasn’t right, that was MY James! Mommy reminded me of my green train tracks and I got distracted, so I’m not quite sure what happened.
We get home and I was playing happily with my train tracks when I remember – wait, where’s James?! Mommy was telling me something about James being traded in for the tracks but that was NOT what I wanted. I got my shoes. I tried to give Mommy her purse and keys. I stood by the door crying my heart out and that cold bitch just stared at me and talked quietly. I wanted JAMES! I wanted HENRY! I took the green tracks and put them away.
Then I waited at the door, well, cried at the door for James and Henry. Eventually I realized I was freakin hungry, I barely ate anything today. So I ate dinner and watched my videos on YouTube. Life was good again. But once dinner was over and Daddy was home I had to tell Daddy: JAMES! Henry! They were mine and I needed them. I waited patiently, I sat on Daddy’s lap while he ate. I was going to get James. No Henry. Maybe James. Eventually Daddy and Mommy took pity on my poor confused self and brought me back to Target (Apples!). This time I had told them I wanted Henry, so I got Henry. And I’m happy. But I’m still really confused as to why the hell James is no longer here.